It's the Sunday before Christmas and I'm in a shame spiral. The gifts I thought I'd ordered for my brother-in-law and my sister are sitting in my Amazon shopping cart…unordered.
I immediately go into my typical pattern when in shame (it's how I know immediately when I'm in shame):
- Denial that this is my fault and looking for who else I can blame
- Rationalizing why this must have happened (e.g. "I was too busy worrying about everything else")
- Anger that such a thing could happen to me – cue "victim" mode
- Intense obsession about how to fix what happened in such a way that nobody will know I screwed up
Because I am a die hard Brene Brown fan, I was able to pause and consider how to proceed productively. Knowing that connection and vulnerability are power tools against shame, I told my husband what happened and that I was in shame about it, and he reassured me that it's not that big of a deal. He also reminded me that the holidays are about connecting and spending time with our loved ones. (Sigh of relief).