Society tells us that body image struggles mean you’re vain, you’re looking for attention, you’re focused on the wrong things…but what if it’s really a signal from our nervous system?
If you feel like your body is constantly judged or like you’re working to feel safe in your skin, you’re not alone. I was honored to have therapist and Non-Diet Academy alumni Taushia Henkel-Johnson join me on the Rebuilding Trust With Your Body podcast to dive deep into the emotional core of these struggles and how real healing begins with compassion, somatic awareness, and nervous system regulation.
Today, we’ll explore how body image issues and shame are rooted in something deeper, plus practical strategies that help.
Some parts may be triggering, so please practice self-care.
The truth about body image struggles
All too often, when someone struggles with body image, people say things like, “She just wants attention,” or “She’s just being vain.” But the truth goes so much deeper than simple vanity.
As humans, we are hardwired to need belonging and acceptance for survival. It goes back to the caveman times where, if you got hurt, you needed your tribe to help you out. If your tribe liked and trusted you, and thought you were beneficial for the greater good of the group, they were more likely to carry you and take care of you while you healed.
While humans have long ago left the caves behind, the emotional needs are the same. We still want to be part of a group, to belong, to be accepted. But the trouble is diet culture has infiltrated society’s perception of what is “acceptable” – namely thin. If we don’t have a thin body, then we may feel like we’re at risk of rejection or we don’t fit in, creating the root symptoms of body image issues.
Diet culture’s perception of the “right” kind of body has a far-reaching impact, creating weight stigma, fatphonia, and anti-fat bias. These repercussions are felt in social circles and beyond, even to medical settings where somebody might be dismissed and just told to lose weight to solve all their problems. Meanwhile, their actual medical issues are not addressed and diagnoses may be missed.
Why your body image struggles increase your social anxiety
Everyone experiences social anxiety, but it’s especially common in people with bigger bodies. The reason goes back to those caveman-era emotional needs: we want to belong. If it feels like our bodies don’t belong, then there’s a chance we’ll get rejected. Being rejected is enough to make anyone anxious, especially in a social setting.
But the truth is we as humans have a tendency to overestimate how much people are perceiving us. This is called spotlight effect, and it’s a real social psychology phenomenon that tends to be especially high as teenagers.
And, because we’re the center of our own universe, we’re likely to think that people are noticing us more than they are, which amplifies both body image issues and social anxiety.
This can look like:
- “I feel like everyone’s staring at my arms in this tank top. I shouldn’t have worn this.”
- “Are people looking at me weird because I’m eating? Is no one else eating?”
- “It feels like she’s judging me. Maybe I don’t belong here.”
But the truth is most people are worrying about themselves and what people think of them instead of judging you.
How to help heal spotlight effect
The next time you hear these thoughts, take a page from Taushia’s book and try this exercise:
- Think of 5 things people could be thinking about or noticing in the environment besides you.
Maybe it’s the trees, the sand between their toes, the feel of the sunlight on their skin, how their mocktail tastes, or just how nice it is to be outside. Get really specific.
- Then name 5 things outside the environment they could be thinking about.
They might be wondering if they locked the car, what they’re going to say at that work meeting tomorrow, if they have time to grab gas on the way home, if they paid the phone bill, or when the next season of Bridgerton comes out.
SPOT theory and its effect on body image
SPOT (Social Pain Overlap) theory is rooted back in that need for connection or comfort. Brain image studies have shown that when we experience rejection or even just perceive it, like if someone calls us fat in a negative way, that triggers pain receptors in your brain.
In other words, your brain and nervous system has developed ways to prevent you from feeling that pain, like judging certain foods as “bad” or social anxiety. This often shows up as thoughts telling you to lose weight, diet, be smaller to be accepted.
This can cause a lot of frustration for those on their intuitive eating journeys because it feels like you’re failing. You’re not. Your brain has been trained for years to use those thoughts to prevent you from experiencing pain and to get those needs met. Now, you’re learning a different way to accept yourself exactly as you are while finding acceptance and belonging.
The 90-Second Rule and how to use it
If you’re having a moment of body image distress or you’re in a challenging situation with food, try the 90-second rule.
Harvard neuroscientist Jill Bolt Taylor explores this rule in her book, My Stroke of Insight. The idea is we have 90 seconds from the time that an emotional response is triggered and our body releases the chemicals in our body that set off our emotions. During these 90 seconds, we can’t do anything to make that feeling go away; we just have to ride the wave and let our body metabolize that stress response.
In the moment, you’re going to be flooded with a ton of thoughts, few that are probably helpful. Keep in mind that you are not failing. Try not to add another unhelpful thought on top of the emotion or response to prevent another burst of neurotransmitters and hormones that reset the clock.
Let your body do its thing and realize you’re allowed to have this anxiety. Just give yourself 90 seconds.
Key Takeaways
Body image issues aren’t silly, or the result of too much vanity and you shouldn’t care so much. It’s your brain and nervous system jumping in to protect you. Take a pause and allow the emotion to pass, focus on yourself, and reach out for support if needed.
If you want more support around healing your relationship with food and body image, reach out to me and we can chat about the ways I have available for us to work together in my communities.
And remember, you are worthy, just as you are.
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Search for Ep.192 (Transcript): SPOT Theory, Social Anxiety, and the Truth About Your Body Image
Looking for more support on your journey to food freedom and body acceptance?
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- Check out my course, Non-Diet Academy
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