Have you ever wondered why a cookie or bag of chips seems to have so much power over you? It shows up in so many different ways, like not keeping certain foods in the house because you’ll “lose control,” or ordering the salad instead of the fries and feeling proud of yourself for being “good.”
Or maybe you promise yourself you’ll only have one cookie…and suddenly you’re four cookies in, thinking, “Well, I already blew it.” Then you start planning how you’re going to compensate tomorrow.
If this hits home, I want you to consider something that might completely change the way you think about your relationship with food… The food might not be the problem.
The amount of power food has over you may actually be coming from the meaning you’ve attached to it. And if you want food to have less power over you, there’s one thing you need to stop doing…putting food into moral categories.
Let’s talk about it.
Food Is Not Good or Bad
Let’s start with something really important: Food neutrality does not mean pretending all foods are nutritionally identical. They’re not.
Broccoli and brownies offer different things nutritionally, and that’s a good thing. Some foods provide more fiber, more protein, more vitamins and minerals. Some give you quick energy, are more satisfying, or are just about enjoying yourself.
In other words, different does not mean good or bad. Eating broccoli doesn’t make you a good person and eating brownies doesn’t make you a bad one.
Food neutrality is understanding nutrition without turning it into a moral judgment, and caring about your health without using fear, guilt, or shame to determine what you’re allowed to eat.
The Hidden Meaning You’re Still Assigning to Food
Ok, so maybe you’ve stopped physically restricting certain foods. You buy the cookies and tell yourself you’re “allowed” to have them…but the moment you eat the cookie, a thought like, “I shouldn’t have eaten that,” crosses your mind.
While you may have technically removed the food rule, but you haven’t removed the judgment…and that judgement matters.
Because that cookie or brownie or ice cream cone? It’s not necessarily the problem. The problem is everything you’ve been taught eating that brownie means (being unhealthy, no self-control, weight gain, failure). All of those stories create feeling of guilt, urgency to fix it, scarcity, and obsession…
That’s when a mindset problem turns into a nutritional one.
Why Calling Food “Bad” Can Make You Want It More
Here’s the part that trips most of us up…trying to control food can actually make food more controlling.
Oof.
Let’s think about it a different way. What happens when you decide a food is bad? Your brain probably comes up with some variation of “I shouldn’t eat that.” On the surface, that solves the problem, right? But deep down, you’re actually creating scarcity…which only heightens your desire for that food. Eventually, that desire becomes too much and you eat the food. But because you’ve built it up in your mind as something forbidden, you may want more of it than you would have if it were simply food.
Then comes guilt, the “I blew it,” thoughts, the judgment. But…because you’ve already “blown it,” you might as well eat more, right? You’ll be “good” tomorrow and eat salads for all three meals, or whatever compensation your brain tells you will make up for it.
This only makes that food more emotionally charged. And, perhaps worse, you trust yourself even less. Your brain says, “See! I knew I couldn’t control myself around this food,” so you try to control it even harder.
And the cycle starts all over again.
The thing you think is the solution – getting better at controlling the food – is actually part of what’s giving the food so much power.
“But I Really Do Lose Control Around Certain Foods”
If you’re thinking,“Katy, you don’t understand. I really can’t control myself around cookies,” I’m not here to tell you that what you’re experiencing isn’t real. You may genuinely feel out of control around certain foods…but I want you to get curious about why.
If you’ve spent years telling yourself that cookies are bad, unhealthy, forbidden, fattening, or something you should only eat in moderation, your brain has learned that cookies are significant.
In other words, they’re not just cookies anymore. They’re an event, a threat, a reward. They’re something you should avoid or something you get to eat before you start dieting again.
That’s a LOT of meaning for one little cookie to carry.
And when you remove some of that meaning, something fascinating can happen. The food starts becoming…boring.
What Food Neutrality Actually Looks Like
Imagine there’s a plate of cookies sitting on the counter. At first, your brain might immediately tell you not to eat those. Then, the cycle starts. “They’re so tempting.” “I shouldn’t.” “Maybe I’ll have just one.”
Suddenly you’re thinking about cookies all afternoon.
Now imagine the same plate of cookies when cookies are simply food. You might want one, maybe two. You might eat one, then decide it wasn’t actually that satisfying.
You might look at them and think, “Those aren’t really what I’m in the mood for,” and choose something else. OR, you might eat a cookie because you genuinely want one and enjoy every bite.
The important part is that the cookie isn’t making the decision for you. You are.
You Can Care About Nutrition Without Judging Yourself
One of the biggest misconceptions about food neutrality is that if you stop calling foods “good” and “bad,” you’ll stop caring about nutrition and your health.
That’s not what we’re going for.
The truth is you can absolutely understand that different foods offer different nutritional benefits. You can choose foods because they help you feel energized or satisfied, and notice that your body feels better when you eat certain foods regularly.
You can care about your health without turning that information into rules about what you should or shouldn’t eat.
For example, instead of thinking that bread is unhealthy, you can think of bread as a carb.
Instead of telling yourself you were good because you ate a salad, you can think, “This meal gave me some vegetables, protein, carbohydrates, and fat, and I enjoyed it.”
That’s a completely different relationship with nutrition. You’re still informed, but just not using that information to beat yourself up.
The Reframe That Helps Take Food’s Power Away
One strategy I teach inside Non-Dieter’s Club is to start reframing the way you think about food.
Instead of immediately assigning a moral label (good or bad), describe the food more neutrally.
- Is it a carbohydrate, protein, fat, or fiber?
- Is it satisfying? Is it something you enjoy?
- What does it offer you?
Notice none of those questions require you to stand in your kitchen calculating macronutrients before every meal.
But by interrupting your brain’s automatic thought process of cookie → bad → unhealthy → weight gain → guilt, we retrain it to think cookie → food.
That mental rewiring is an essential part of intuitive eating because you can’t accurately listen to your body when your brain is constantly screaming moral judgments at you.
What Happens When Food Loses Its Power?
What would your life look like if food wasn’t taking up so much space in your brain?
Maybe you could have cookies in the house without thinking about them constantly.
Or have that ice cream sundae with your kids without deciding that tomorrow needs to be a “reset.”
You could go to a restaurant and choose what you actually want – like that juicy burger – without spending the rest of the evening feeling guilty. Or you could choose the salad because you genuinely want a salad, not because you’re trying to earn points for being “good.”
You could say no to food without feeling deprived and you could say yes to food without feeling guilty. Essentially, food would become relatively uninteresting.
That’s the goal.
Not to become someone who never eats cookies or always the “healthiest” choice.
It has nothing to do with having perfect control around food.
Nope, the goal is for food to stop controlling you.
This Isn’t About Having More Willpower
If you’ve been struggling with certain foods, you may have spent years trying to become more disciplined.
But what if you don’t need more control? What if you need…LESS?
At the end of the day, you don’t need to become better at resisting the foods you love. Instead, it’s to get to the point where you don’t feel like you have to resist them.
That’s a very different kind of freedom…and it doesn’t come from convincing yourself that cookies are healthy, but from recognizing that cookies don’t have moral value.
Having a cookie doesn’t determine your worth, or whether or not you’re a good person. They aren’t the gauge of whether you’ve “succeeded” or “failed” at intuitive eating.
They’re just cookies.
Your Next Step: Notice the Judgment
The first step? Start by noticing.
The next time you eat something you consider “bad,” pause. What story immediately appears in your head?
If it’s something like, “I shouldn’t have eaten that,” don’t argue with the thought. Just notice it.
Once noticing feels easy, practice reframing. Remind yourself that the food is not good or bad. It’s just food. It may have certain nutritional properties. You may enjoy it (or not). You may be hungry (or not).
You get to make the decision. And the more you practice this, the more you begin taking your power back.
Food Doesn’t Need to Control You Anymore
If you feel like certain foods have way too much power over you, I don’t want you to walk away thinking that you need to become better at controlling those foods. Instead, consider the possibility that the need for control is part of the problem.
When you stop assigning moral meaning to food, you can begin to dismantle the cycle of restriction, scarcity, guilt, and compensation.
You can care about nutrition without fear and make choices without needing to prove that you’re “good.”
You can eat the cookie if you want it and skip it if you don’t. Neither choice says anything about your character.
That’s food neutrality…choice without rules, nutrition without morality, and food without guilt. And ultimately, a relationship with food where it no longer gets to determine how you feel about yourself.
Because you deserve to take your power back.
And in case nobody has told you today, you are ENOUGH ALREADY.
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