Welcome back to Rebuilding Trust With Your Body, it’s Katy here. This episode, as you can tell from the title, is all about an ESSENTIAL ingredient for intuitive eating, that if you don’t have it then you’re probably going to end up weaponizing intuitive eating against yourself in one way or another – and I know that’s the case because I’ve seen it over and over again. 

I used to think that when it came to our eating, our exercise and our health that we all just needed to be more disciplined. That we needed to try harder. And part of that comes from the blue collar mentality that I was raised with – my mom was a teacher, and my dad was a mechanic – and they would tell me and my sister over and over again, “Hard work, done well, feels good.” And to an extent I do think that’s true – I love working hard, and I feel really proud of myself when I work hard and do a good job on something. I think most of us do…

But the trap that I fell into is that I would go to shame if I either didn’t think I worked hard enough, or if I didn’t get the results I wanted and it didn’t feel like I did a good job. (This type of perfectionism has taken me years in therapy to work through). What I can now see is that when I was in shame about how I didn’t try hard enough, or I failed to meet my standards on something, that I was a failure, that I suck, that I’m a loser. 

And eventually this got transferred onto my body. If I didn’t lose weight then I didn’t try hard enough, and I wasn’t good enough…This was what spilled into me chasing diets and restriction as a way to “be good” and to “work hard” to solve the problem that I had deemed my body and my love for sweets to be. 

It turns out if you look at the research (and if you listen to my therapist friends and colleagues, and my own personal therapist), that shame is a really poor motivator for lasting behavior change. You might be able to pull yourself up by your bootstraps temporarily and force yourself to not eat chips or to eat a salad for lunch every day – but it’s almost a guarantee that’s not going to be permanent. And what happens when you screw up and eat something you feel like you shouldn’t have, or when you get on the scale and your weight is up? Guilt, shame, anger at yourself…which almost never motivates us to make kind and positive choices for ourselves moving forward. 

• What the heck response
• Whip yourself into shape…which backfires again and again

It was from one of my mentors, Michelle Micsko – I know some of you who are listening know Michelle – she taught me that shame is the root of food and body image issues. And I don’t just mean shame about eating pizza, or shame about your BMI…I mean shame that cuts much deeper. Shame about YOU, YOURSELF as a human deep within. We point to the things we eat and our body size and shape as the reasons we feel inadequate – but it’s because it’s the outward representation of how inadequate and unworthy we feel from deep within. Usually the seeds for shame are planted when we are very young. It’s not our fault we struggle with this. And we’ll do all sorts of things to try and overcome our shame – from dieting, to being perfectionistic with our grades when we’re in school, to people pleasing, to being the nice one or the always helpful one, to meeting everyone else’s needs while we sacrifice our own, to being high achieving at work, or trying to be the perfect mom. We compensate and put out all of these defense mechanisms so that the world can’t see how “bad” we are inside – that’s the shame. And when we project it onto our bodies it opens the door wide open for diet culture to come in and present us with all sorts of solutions for how to fix that. 

So what’s the solution? Well you already know that I teach IE as the alternative framework to dieting, as a way to rebuild trust with your body (haha – pun intended since that’s the name of this podcast), and to make peace with food…Well the IE recipe isn’t complete if you’re missing a key ingredient that’s not found in the principles. 

It’s self-compassion. And I don’t mean “just accept yourself exactly as you are, and let yourself go.” That’s not self-compassion. I know that on the surface self-compassion sounds simple and cheesy (kind of like IE does too – until you get into it and realize how layered and deep it is). Well self-compassion is the same way. Most of you are probably familiar with Brene Brown and her research on shame…Well Kristin Neff is one of the most well-known researchers on self-compassion, which is essentially the antidote to shame. 

So we’re going to get into what self-compassion actually is as it relates to IE and some really practical ways for you to incorporate it as part of your IE and making peace with food and your body recipe. 

Before we dive into our main topic for today, you know what time it is…We’ve got some Wellness Woo to talk about. 

Wellness Woo is the stuff that diet and wellness culture tells us we should do in the name of health, but it’s really based on pseudoscience, exaggerated claims, or just nonsense. 

Today’s Wellness Woo is: Lipotropic injections – s/o to PJ

• Supplement in injection form. (red flag)
• Often contains B12, methionine, inositol (which can be helpful specifically if you have PCOS – but not just anyone needs it), choline, carnitine (Carnitine has also been scientifically shown to speed up the weight loss process in obese housecats, Lol)
• $200-400/month
• There’s no specific protocol for the dosage, frequency of injections or who specifically it’s for. This should be a HUGE red flag for anything you’re thinking about doing. (how supplement industry isn’t held to standard of pharmaceutical industry)

In terms of risk, it’s a total gamble, because it all depends on what’s actually in the injection. It’s probably safe…we don’t know that for sure…but my guess is that the biggest risk is that it’s a complete waste of your time and money. This is just another money grab from wellness culture. 

On one of the websites for a clinic that’s offering these injections here’s what it says:

1. Lipotropic injections contain weight-loss supporting nutrients like B vitamins, carnitine, choline, and inositol. (to be clear – there’s no such thing as a nutrient that causes you to lose weight)

2.They aid in energy metabolism and fat burning, complementing diet and exercise for weight loss. (aka these don’t work – it’s the diet and exercise that is causing a person to lose weight – and we all know that’s temporary)

3. Weight loss can be seen within 30 days when combined with proper diet and exercise. (again, they have to say the diet and exercise thing because the injections themselves DO NOT WORK)

So overall, to be clear – research has not shown that these are safe or effective, therefore the verdict is…Wellness woo.

If you have an example of Wellness Woo that you want to share, DM it to me!!

Really quick…I have a favor to ask you:

Rate, review, subscribe request. Share with a friend or a coworker who you think would enjoy it. I make this podcast every week for you for free and it helps me a TON if you rate and review it and spread the word. 

Ok, that’s enough of that. Moving on to today’s main topic…The #1 Missing Key Ingredient For Intuitive Eating That You Probably Haven’t Even Heard Of

What Is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion is not letting yourself off the hook. It’s changing how you talk to yourself so you can actually stay on the hook.

Kristin Neff on her website explains: Having compassion for oneself is really no different than having compassion for others. Derived from latin, the term refers to how we’re with (com) suffering (passion). Think about times when you’ve felt compassion for a close friend who was suffering. First, to experience compassion you have to actually notice that your friend is struggling or feeling badly about themself. Second, if what you feel is compassion (rather than pity), you realize that suffering, failure, and imperfection is part of the shared human experience. Finally, you respond to your friend with warmth, understanding, and kindness – feeling the desire to help in some way. 

The 2 Sides of Self-Compassion

🧸 Tender Self-Compassion

• Soothing
• Comforting
• “It makes sense you feel this way”
• Used when:
  • You overeat
  • You feel out of control
  • Body image spirals

Example:

“Of course you ate past fullness. You were exhausted and hadn’t eaten enough earlier. That makes sense.”

🔥 Fierce Self-Compassion

• Protective
• Action-oriented
• Boundary-setting
• Used when:
  • You keep skipping meals
  • You’re stuck in people-pleasing
  • You’re ignoring your body’s needs

Example:

“Hey. We’re not skipping lunch again and pretending we’ll be fine. That’s not actually taking care of you.”

Here’s my truth bomb for you that I want you to journal about and really spend some time reflecting on: 

Most people are either really good at being hard on themselves (the fierce side)…or really good at being overly permissive and letting themselves off the hook in the name of ‘self-care.’ (the tender side). Intuitive eating requires BOTH: kindness AND taking action to do the hard things.

I want you to get curious about which side you tend to lean towards, which side comes more naturally to you. And be curious about what part you might be missing…let me give you some examples to help you see yourself in this…

Real Life Examples of How This Works With Intuitive Eating

Example 1: Eating past fullness

• Without self-compassion: shame spiral → restrict tomorrow
• With tender compassion: understanding → no punishment
• With fierce compassion: “Let’s eat consistently tomorrow so this doesn’t keep happening”
• If you only had tender, vs if you only had fierce

Example 2: Fear of weight gain

• Without compassion: panic → control → dieting behaviors
• Tender: “This fear makes sense given everything you’ve been taught”
• Fierce: “And we are not going back to dieting. That path already failed you.”
• If you only had tender, vs if you only had fierce

Example 3: “I’m doing IE wrong”

• Without compassion: quit or micromanage
• With compassion: curiosity + adjustment

Why This Is THE Missing Ingredient

Spell it out:

• Self-compassion → reduces shame
• Less shame → less reactive eating
• More grounded → better body signals, and you can make observations and be curious about what you need, and make empowered decisions
• Better signals and empowered decisions → intuitive eating actually works

This is exactly the kind of work we do inside Non-Dieter’s Club. Not just what to eat, but how to relate to yourself so this actually sticks. The way that you are THINKING about food and your body, and HOW you make decisions is what will determine whether intuitive eating works for you long-term, or it just plays out like another diet. It’s not about just listening to your hunger and fullness or choosing what sounds good in the moment – that’s surface level, and a distortion of intuitive eating. Truly becoming an intuitive eater who has total peace with food, your body, exercise, and knows how to manage your health without getting sucked into diet-y or wellness woo nonsense…that happens when you learn how to use the self-compassion skills of tender AND fierce self-compassion to talk to yourself and to make decisions. And nobody else in the IE space is talking about it and teaching it this way. 

And I’ll leave you with this:

If you don’t change how you talk to yourself, intuitive eating will always feel like a fight.

In case nobody has told you today – you are worthy just as you are. We’ll talk again soon.

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