Katy: Hey there, Katy here and welcome back to Rebuilding Trust With Your Body, the podcast where we talk about making peace with food, learning how to be kind towards your body, and today we’re going to talk about how to raise kids who are intuitive eaters without jacking up their relationship with food along the way.

Well I know that for so many of us as parents, that’s one of our biggest fears. That we’re going to mess up our kids with their eating or pass on our body image stuff to them or let them become unhealthy if we don’t feed them right. And there’s so much pressure around parents when it comes to this stuff.

So I can’t wait for you to hear today from my guest, Nicole Cruz. Nicole is the founder of Nourish Together. A shame free approach to family nutrition, focused on instilling food and body trust. As a registered dietitian and mom of three, she combines her personal and professional experience to help parents raise confident eaters who can enjoy a variety of food, listen to their body cues, and avoid obsessing over sweets and other treats.

She believes that a healthy relationship with food is the foundation for lifelong healthy eating. And when we nourish together. We bring more joy and less stress to the table. Now, I don’t want you to leave if you’re not a parent or if your kids are grown, because even if you don’t have kids or your kids have already flown the nest, there’s a lot that you’re going to learn from this conversation, because you’re going to be able to think back to the way that you were raised, and the way that food was handled by your parents and caregivers, and how it has impacted your relationship with food throughout your life.

There are also strategies that Nicole shares that we as adults can apply towards ourselves and not just our kids. Things like creating structure with food, having certain boundaries with food, ways to incorporate sugar without going overboard, and things that I know that a lot of you are struggling with. So go ahead and settle on it for my conversation with Nicole Cruz. 

If you’ve spent years battling food and your body, I’m here to show you the path to healing. Here on the Rebuilding Trust with Your Body podcast, I teach you how to find your own freedom with food through tools, strategies, mindset shifts, and more. I want to invite you to join me for a moment of silence and heartfelt discussions around what it means to make peace with food and your body while still existing in diet culture. 

I believe that all bodies deserve respect and that health is so much more than a number on the scale. It’s about connecting with our true selves and learning that our relationship with food is more important than the food itself.  So if you’re ready to discover the freedom of rebuilding trust with your body, grab a seat and maybe a snack and let’s do this. 

Nicole, thank you so much for being here. I can’t wait to ask you all the things and to pick your brain on this because I just love the work that you do and you have such a beautiful perspective. So let’s give a little bit more context to people who are listening, like give them more of a rundown on who you are and the type of work that you do and what you’re passionate about. 

Nicole: Thank you, Katy. So happy to be here and to chat with you and everyone else too. Yeah. So I’m Nicole Cruz. I’m a registered dietitian and I got into the field with my own history of disordered eating and really wanted to help others heal their own relationships with food. So I worked with teens and adults for the last, I don’t know, aging myself, like 17, 18 years now as a dietitian.

And then. When I had my own kids, I have three kids myself now who I can’t believe are seven, nine, and 12. And when I had my own kids, I was just around more parents all the time. And I started realizing that parents who like so aware, so conscious, so loving, really wanting to parent in such a thoughtful way and really raise their kids to be confident and happy and healthy and all the things were still talking about food and.

Managing food in ways that I knew really planted the seeds, replicated some of the messages that I was hearing from my teens and adults in my office who were struggling with eating disorders. So I remember being at a specific Halloween, like a holiday party in the preschool and one of the dads saying, my kid’s cut off after two pieces of pizza.

And just hearing that sort of messaging and looking at the snack table, cause it was like a co-op style preschool and having parents saying. If you want to have more crackers, you need to eat your vegetables. And so as I was watching all this, I was just like, you know, cringing, knowing that everyone’s trying to do the very best, but really having concerns for the way that we’re attempting to raise our kids.

With food and to be happy and healthy, knowing that a lot of that messaging can turn into a couple of things. One, just reactive eating, like kids not wanting to eat the things that they’re being told to eat or kids seeking out more of the pizza because they’re being told they’re cut off and or long term and diagnosable eating disorders.

So that’s where, and I just realized how much information. We’re really kind of missing as a culture and parents really needed more of that. And so it was, I don’t know, 10, 12 years ago, I really started diving much more into the family, family feeding, family nutrition aspect. 

Katy: Which is really cool because I feel like not a lot of people teach it from that family and parenting aspect.

It’s like we’ve got people who work with kids and then we’ve got people who work with adults and teens, but sometimes there’s not that kind of entire family approach or looking at it as parenting, how do you. navigate these things with your kids. So, okay. I’m really curious. What is it that you’re hearing in recent years from parents?

Like what are the struggles that they are having with How to handle their kids eating  

Nicole: I think it could come in a couple different ways so a lot of the parents that Come into my world are really aware already because maybe they have a history of having an eating disorder Being on and off diets being shamed for their body as a child Discovering intuitive eating themselves and wanting to do it And so they come in because they found this kind of new way of interacting with food or healed their own Relationship with food But then they don’t really know how to do it with their kids.

They’re like, do I just let my kids eat whatever they want? Because that’s intuitive eating. They can just eat whatever, whenever, but then they don’t want to sit through watching their kid just eat like rolls all night, every night and not have anything else for dinner or whatever it might be, or they’re really worried. Like, okay, I’m taking a hands off approach, but. They don’t eat a single vegetable, am I just supposed to let that keep going? 

Katy: Clearly, or I’ve had parents tell me like, oh, I just kind of, my kids just snack all day long and they don’t want to eat meals. And I’m like, well, of course they do. Like if you, you know, you were five and you could just eat fruit snacks and goldfish all day, that’s exactly what you would do. 

Nicole: Yes, exactly. Exactly. So they really don’t want to create any shame or restriction. Or hate. And so they’re just not having any guidelines or boundaries around food. And so that’s a really big one, but then they might start seeing some issues, like you said, you know, where it’s like, well, that’s all that they do want to eat, or they’re not eating certain food groups at all, or we’re having meltdowns at the table or at bedtimes they’re hungry or whatever it might be.

So they might be seeing some repercussions of doing that, but not really know how to handle it because they don’t want to. What parents will tell me, like, quote unquote, screw up their kids or something. They don’t want to screw it up. So, they’re kind of hands off with it. The other things that I really see are more of those, like, specific issues though.

Like, oh my gosh, my kid seems just obsessive with sweets and that’s all that they want to eat or they actually eat so much that they feel sick afterwards or they’re the one kid at the birthday party that can’t get away from the cake table and I’m just watching them, like, only want sweets. Or they’re worried that their child is overeating or that they would have no stopping point if they didn’t keep eating or the selective eating piece, the not wanting to try new foods or missing whole food groups, that sort of thing.

And again, not wanting to create tension, not wanting to use control, but feeling like I don’t know what else to do then. Because also, if I don’t tell them to eat, then they’re melting down because they’re hungry at bedtime or, you know, whatever, however it might play out. So. That’s kind of it though, it’s usually the people are pretty aware, so they don’t want to mess it up, but they don’t know what to do or maybe they were parenting a different way until they realized that it was creating issues, like the obsession with sweets because they were maybe a no sugar household or they had these rigid rules and now they’re like, oh my gosh, that’s all that my kid wants, and so now they’re trying to undo it and figure it out in a different way. 

Katy: Yeah, so yeah, it sounds like it’s kind of the extremes where you’re dealing with parents who are like, I don’t want to say anything, so I don’t want to mess this up. And so now we have no boundaries and no guidance and no structure. Or, the overly rigid and maybe restrictive households. Yeah. Where do you start?

Like, when you’re working with a family, what’s the starting point? Or like, what’s ground level for like, okay, here’s what needs to happen first? Yeah, 

Nicole: Absolutely. So, in my program, I have a program called Nourish Together. And I have what are called, like, the foundational must do right off the bat that I just think are principles for what every family needs.

And so, I always look at like, all kids, I think, just to the, all families who want to handle food in a very similar way with the way that we talk about food and the way that we handle it. But some families that maybe are dealing with more selective eating say they might need additional tools on top of that.

So we have additional tools that they kind of go into like phase two. foundational must do’s that everybody, you Needs to start implementing as far as I’m concerned, because that’s usually the root of it. So even as, you know, I’ll tell you what they are in just a second, but even as we’re going through things, oftentimes.

I’m like, okay, well, we first need to go back to the basics before we look at why this is happening, because we can’t just try to solve it from the outside and we really have to look at it like. But do we have those foundations strong enough because oftentimes that’s what’s actually creating the dynamics around food later versus us just managing that one situation properly.

So as far as I’m concerned, the foundations are one that as parents, we really need to know our role in the feeding relationship and to understand. What I use is like a division of responsibility. If anybody’s familiar, Ellen Satter’s work is about the division of responsibility that parents have a role in the feeding relationship.

They have a responsibility and children have a responsibility. Now, I don’t follow this so rigidly where its parents decide the what, when and where of food kids get to decide if and how much to eat. I say don’t follow that so rigidly in terms of like parents are just being dictators and they’re just coming up with these rules and guidelines and then kids are just supposed to, you know, to fall into that.

I don’t want anyone to think of it like that. But the overarching kind of idea is that as parents we set some boundaries and guidelines. around food, and then we leave it up to our kids to eat within those guidelines instead of micromanaging or controlling their bites of food or that they need to eat another food before they’re allowed to have something else, that sort of thing.

So that’s kind of like the overarching understanding is that as parents, we set general boundaries around food and then we give our kids freedom within those boundaries to really listen to their bodies and eat the amount they need and what they choose from what we provide. So one is really knowing your role in the feeding relationship.

The second is that we have to remove the reactivity from food. And so when I say that, it’s like we have to, and it’s partially what I just said, but it’s getting a little more nitty gritty with we don’t want to give our children something to react to. Like you need to eat two more bites and then you can be done or no dessert.

If you didn’t eat your dinner or tell them that they’re cut off after a certain amount, no, you can only have one plate and nothing else. So we really have to. Step back and allow our kid to manage all of those things. It’s twofold when I say remove the reactivity that one is on the outside, what we’re doing, the second piece of that.

is that parents are really looking internally to say like, what’s coming up for me that I’m reacting to from my child. So, like when people come into my program, I have them do a lot of work actually on how do you feel about these foods? What comes up for you when you watch your child eat X, Y, and Z? What was your relationship with this food growing up?

What makes you uncomfortable? What are your fears is going to happen if they keep eating X, Y, and Z or whatever it might be. So it’s really starting to look at themselves in that. So, because so many parents are like, I don’t want to react that way, but when they do something suddenly, I just feel triggered and then I’m back to like saying it again, right?

So it’s like both pieces of that. And then the third thing that I talk about right off the bat is using neutral language. We have to get rid of all the judgmental language around like good food, bad food, healthy, unhealthy, growing food, clean food, junk food, anything like that. So that we’re really creating this more neutral environment as well.

Katy: I would love to dig a little bit more into some of this. So. So, what would you say, why is it so important to have neutral language about foods? I think people have a hard time with this. They’re like, but that is junk. It’s not giving them nutrients or they can’t just eat cookies all day. They have to be eating, you know, meat and vegetables and whatever.

So how do you walk people through that?  

Nicole: So it’s like how it all fits together, right? There’s some overlap here because. And we’re saying that when we’re going back to, we are not saying just give them cookies all day and let them eat cookies all day and nothing else or let them eat fruit snacks all day and nothing else.

We’re going back to your role in the feeding relationship is to provide the food to decide what’s available. So we’re not suggesting that. Just let them eat whatever they want, whenever they want. So that’s the first piece that I just, I feel like we can say that so many times and people still don’t fully hear it because it’s like, wait, what?

They’re just supposed to eat what they want or they’re just so, I just want to confirm in this conversation again, I’m not at all saying that we’re just saying eat the cookies all day. If that’s all that you want to have, that our job as parents is to say like, this is what’s available at this meal and we can have cookies later at snack or we can have cookies with dinner tonight.

But for lunch, we’re having. You know, quesadillas and cucumbers and apples and crackers or something, whatever it might be, right? So you are just still deciding, like, this is available. And again, that doesn’t mean that you can’t ask your child, would you rather have chips or Cheez-Its or something. You can still give them a choice in things.

I’m not saying that it’s so rigid, but overall, we’re kind of deciding what’s available. So, that’s the first piece to just clarify there, that yes, we, our job is to set them up for success. To make that food available, convenient, easy for them to eat, because, I, I don’t know about you, but my kids, they immediately go to packaged food because they can open a package, grab it, and eat it really quickly and easily, versus eating Getting something out of the fridge, cutting it, pouring it, you know, they’ll eat right out of a bag if they can, versus even getting a bowl out.

Like, they don’t want to take any additional steps if they don’t have to. 

Katy: The point, or I’m thinking of like, yeah, if I just put an uncut pork chop in front of my kid, they’re not going to eat it. If I cut it up and put some ketchup there, maybe.  

Nicole: Exactly. We have to make these foods easy and convenient for them, right?

And enjoyable for them as well. So that’s our job, right? It is to set them up for success in that way. And then when we’re talking about neutral language, again, I said, this is all intertwined because that’s a huge part of the reactivity as well. If we’re saying like. Cookies are bad for you, you shouldn’t have them, well, now they usually become the forbidden fruit that our kids just want even more.

At the same time, we’re also creating guilt and shame around eating them and then feeling bad about wanting more than maybe even starting to fear sugar a little bit and develop more just a disordered relationship around cookies in that way too. So mutual language is really important because it actually helps our kids be able to eat in a more balanced way instead of seeking out the foods that.

They think they’re not supposed to have, or I love my dad’s example because to this day he still says, I hate peas because I was always forced to eat them. Like he’s never once said, I hate peas because I don’t like the texture. He says, I hate them because I was forced to eat them. So we tend to either make our children push away from the foods that we want them to eat because they’re reacting to us trying to get them to eat it.

Or we’re driving them towards the foods that we’re telling them that they shouldn’t eat at the same time of creating that built in shame. So that’s how we want to use neutral language so that they can actually tune into their body instead of reacting to something that we are doing.  

Katy: And I was just sitting here thinking, I mean, it’s the same thing for us as adults, you know, when you tell yourself, well, I should be eating a salad every day for lunch, it starts to become the last thing you want. Even if you like salad generally, you don’t want it when there’s that pressure to eat it. Or when you tell yourself you can’t have ice cream, then you start thinking about it and wanting it more and more.

Nicole: I still have plans as an adult. People say to me, like,  I like vegetables, I want to eat them, but I just keep having this huge aversion to doing it. And when we dig deeper, often it comes to, I was always forced to eat my vegetables. Or I have one client that says, Protein and vegetables were like the thing in my house that we were always, it was just like drilled into us that we needed to have and now for both things, she’s a really hard time eating them herself or getting herself to eat them even though she knows she wants to as an adult.

She’s like, I want to and I even like them, but I still just keep coming up against that. Mm 

Katy: hmm.  You were talking earlier about one of those foundational things being like the boundaries that the parents are setting and that structure. Can you describe, like, what do you actually mean by that? Like, what does that look like in practice?

Nicole: Yeah, so I think about this in three ways, which is similar to the division of responsibility. It’s what you’re serving. When you’re serving it and where you’re serving it. But I talk about it more, which is Ellen Satter’s terms, right? The what, when, and where food is parents responsibility. I talk about it in terms of what is like, what’s the menu that we’re having?

So what’s the menu? What is the daily rhythm, which can change with food, but like, when is food available? When is it not? You don’t have to be on a rigid schedule. schedule, but just kind of recognizing that there might be times that food’s available, time that it’s not. And that looks different with different ages as well.

So we might want to look at that. Or if we’re having food available again, how are we doing that? Cause it, it’s nuanced as well. Like there’s not just a kitchen that has to be closed. It can be nuanced in that way. I can give some examples of that in a minute. And then I look at the overall environment. Not just where, but are we eating at the kitchen table?

Are we okay with devices being out? Are we not? Like, what is this environment that we’re creating around food? So those are kind of the boundaries that I’m talking about. What food is available? When is food available? And then what does that environment look like? 

Katy: And it sounds like you’re not super prescriptive that like, well, these are the foods you need to give them and it has to be at the table and no devices.

Like you’re letting families decide what’s right for them, but that it’s the parent is empowered to make that decision and the child operates within it

Nicole: That’s exactly it. It’s not some sort of rigid, rigid structure that I subscribe to and tell everybody you need to do this in this way for your family.

For me, it’s really about you just having some. overarching guidelines that work for your specific family. And that doesn’t mean that we can’t be flexible in that. Like we’re talking about this during the world series. So we’re a Dodger family. We’re in LA. And so we’re watching the Dodger game in front of the TV every night.

Like that’s what we’re doing right now, because. That’s how it is. So it’s not like you can never eat in front of the TV or something. No, that’s what we’re doing right now. And that’s okay. 

Katy: With the Chiefs games, because we’re in Kansas City, we’ll have this little living room picnic and the kids think it’s great.

You know, it’s so fun and the best memories. Yeah. 

Nicole: Exactly, exactly. And for some, and again, it’s not prescriptive. Maybe that is how some families operate every night. And we’re just going to talk about that. Like inside of my program, I do coaching with it and counseling. So we can talk about why that might be a fit or why it not be a fit and what are the potential consequences, right?

So I don’t want to say that’s the worst idea for every family to do that every night, but we do want to look at, is that the system that we want most nights? Because are we always, are we being able to connect over food at all? Are we able to talk about our day if that’s a time when we’re all together?

Are we as attuned to our body cues if we’re watching something? Like there’s different things to just consider there. So it’s not right or wrong, but there’s some things to think about. So that’s why as parents we want to again set up the whole scenario for everybody to have successful mealtimes, for everybody to be able to attune to their body cues overall and be able to eat a variety of foods.

Katy: Absolutely. And yeah, I mean, that’s how we allow for intuitive eating with everyone in the family. Talk a little bit more, you started to touch on this earlier and I want to go there, like the difference in how this looks with kids at different ages, because obviously it’s the way that a teenager. is able to access food or make some of their own food or even drive and get their own food.

Like that’s so different than if you have a toddler who can’t do anything for themselves except make a big mess with the food. 

Nicole: Exactly. Exactly. So let’s talk about this example. So overall, right, if we want to think about food, we’re thinking about setting our kids up for success to be independent eaters who can take care of themselves when they’re on their own.

So it’s kind of like, that’s what we’re doing all along is like gradually finding ways to give them more food, helping them learn to cook, helping them learn to prepare meals, planting seeds for, oh, we’re going to have dinner soon. So that’s maybe why we’re not having a snack right now. It’s almost dinner time.

We want to be ready to eat with the family. So. We’re setting them up for success all the way along so that they’re starting to kind of understand these things about food and their body. So if we have, let’s say a toddler though, they might prefer to just graze a bit more. They might prefer snacks and they’re also likely going to be in a very reactive place in general in life, right?

Where like you tell me no and I’m going to like throw my stuff on the ground and throw a fit and I’m just. You know, going to go wild over this because you’re setting a boundary. So that, they’re in a phase where they’re always setting the boundary and they’re trying to figure that out and trying to separate and have that independence in that way.

And so for them, they might be begging for cookies right before dinner and you’re going to hold that boundary and say, it’s almost dinner time. We’re not having cookies. Right? Like every time your toddler asks for something or to do something, we’re trying to hold those boundaries for them, let them be upset in a safe environment so that they learn, right, to express their feelings, have their feelings.

That they’re okay, and that we’re also holding boundaries. So we might do that. However, if we have a teenager and it’s almost dinnertime, we’re probably not gonna say like, you can’t have those cookies. And I’m not saying you should talk to your toddler this way either, but we’re probably not gonna walk in and say, right, like, absolutely no cookies.

But we might say something like, hey, but dinner’s almost on the table. What do you think about just having like one or two cookies because we’re about to eat or something? So, That starts to shift a bit because we’re giving them more independence. We’re still kind of planning those seats, but we’re letting them make more of their own decisions versus holding these rigid rules around it, if that makes sense.

Katy: It does. And, and helping them to think about things, but then letting them make more of those decisions.  

Nicole:Yeah, absolutely. Or maybe putting out like, so I have a 12 year old now who’s not necessarily as independent as I think my daughter will be at 12. She’s, I can just tell, very independent and he’s more like, well, will you make me something, you know?

So when we come home, I’m still gonna put out a snack after school. I always do. I put out some sort of snack for everybody to have. But he’s 12 now, and he’s having a lot more independence, so he often will grab something else to go with it, and I’m not doing anything about that. It’s just like, sure, go ahead, you know, if he wants to grab 

Katy: You’re not going to say, well, division of responsibility, that’s not what’s available. This is the snack. You’re going to let him. No.  

Nicole; Overall, unless there’s a really good reason for it, like, no, we’re saving those for dinner later or for this week. We, you know, we’re not gonna have any more of those or I might check in with him about how are you feeling?

Like, what have you had today? Do you think you need anything that has, that’s a little bit more satisfying? Because he’s also in middle school and often eats like chips just for lunch or something because that’s what they do. And so sometimes I might say something like, Okay. Yeah. Go ahead and, you know, get the chips out or whatever.

But do you think you need something more satisfying too? A lot of times kids are just ravenous by the time they get home from school. Absolutely. Absolutely. So I’m still supporting him by creating something solid, also helping him think, what do you think about something a little bit more filling for your body, maybe some other nutrients in there.

And I’m not going to say, no, you can’t have the chips. 

Katy: Yeah. And I’m really hearing like, there’s no language, like moral language about the food one way or the other. The neutrality is there, even if you’re maybe challenging or setting a boundary. And I think that sometimes is the part that parents have a hard time understanding.

That’s like, you can say no without being like, because that’s so bad for you and you don’t need all that junk and, like, we can eliminate that part of the narrative.  

Nicole: Absolutely. And I think that’s such a good point. Going back to your point earlier around both of those two things, like, but it is junk or they shouldn’t have it.

And I just always go to like, you can, first of all, I don’t think of food that way, and that’s another conversation, but even if you do think of it that way, it’s just not helpful to use that language that’s going to help our kids think about that food poorly, or like, again, they shouldn’t have it, maybe you want it more, maybe feel guilty for eating it, any of those things.

So. You can still set the boundary without using negative language about food. We can just call food what it is. I always say that the first step is just to call food what it is. If you don’t know what else to say, say chips, say cookies, say whatever the food is, instead of labeling it, putting it into some category like junk or something.

So you can call food what it is, and you can also just let them know, wait, this is the purpose of having some structure. When you have some structure and you’re proactive with it, then you can use this structure. As your talking point, like that’s just not available right now. Right? Because this is what we’re having and we can talk about why.

And it depends on your child and your relationship. That’s why there’s so many different ways to talk about these things, but there’s even things like saying, you know, feeding a family is a complicated job. I have to think about what we’re buying for the week and what we’re having for different meals and make sure that I’m providing a variety of nutrients for everyone.

So no, we’re not having that food again at this meal so that we can have it again tomorrow or something like it’s okay to even say those things. 

Katy: Yeah, and I think that does, I mean, it starts to plant those seeds for, like, the bigger picture of how someone learns how to, like, seed themselves and eventually a family that there is this bigger picture planning that goes into it.

And not that they’re ready for that, but that they start to understand it’s part of the process and part of the equation. Right. 

Nicole: Right. We’re not burdening them with it or making them feel bad about it, but that is part of the reason that sometimes certain foods are available or not, because that’s our job as a parent is to support them with those things and, and that’s okay.

Katy: Absolutely. I, I’m curious from your vantage point. What do you think are some of the most toxic and unhelpful messages or pieces of advice that parents are getting from diet culture right now? Like, what do you think is just like, eww, like, that’s not actually helpful?  

Nicole: So many different things. One of the first things I think I’m not sure if this is directly answering your question, but I think it’s something that’s really important in this conversation is that parents are not responsible to get their children to eat perfectly and to have this perfectly well balanced diet.

And I think we need to take that burden off of ourselves that we are supposed to be. So controlling with the food and make sure that our kid is eating so healthy and that we’re responsible for their total health for every, you know, cavity that they might have for their weight, for, you know, whether they’re getting every single nutrient that they need, like all of these things that can just feel really overwhelming and a lot to manage.

So I think one is recognizing that it’s not our job to control all of these different aspects of the food in our child’s body in any way. And that we need to give ourselves permission to just do again, our job in the feeding relationship, which is to best support them and then allow. then to have their own experience with food and their own relationship with food and to grow into the body that’s right for them.

So I say that also as like, not that I can grant anyone permission, but to hear like, That’s what we really, I think, should be doing for parents is giving them more permission to step into that role instead of feeling like they need to manage all of these things. It’s like you’re a good parent or you’re not based on your child’s weight or health or something like that.

Or whether you pack them the perfect cute Instagram bento box, you know, whatever it might be. So I just think that’s part of the bigger picture of it all. And I think this messaging around sugar being toxic and poisonous and horrendous is one of the biggest disservices because there’s so much anxiety around.

Sweets, holiday parties, candy coming up with Halloween, like all of these different things. And when we do that, again, we’re making sweets eat the forbidden fruit and we’re creating more harmful messaging that can lead to more disordered eating in the future. So I think sugar is one of the biggest ones that really stands out to me.

Stop there for a moment. 

Katy: Yeah. I really agree. I would say that from the clients I’ve worked with. Sugar is often one of the biggest concerns. Absolutely. And it’s, you know, again, it’s that thing of like, well, obviously we don’t just want them to only eat sugary foods all day, every day. But I also wouldn’t want my kid only eating meat or only eating vegetables all day, every day.

Like the variety is important. So what’s your guidance? Do you have any strategies that parents could use for navigating sugar with their kids? Like what’s more of that middle ground?  

Nicole: Yeah, it really goes back to what we were talking about before with having some structure. So the point is that we want to incorporate it so that they know that they do have access to it.

It is available because if you don’t think you have access to it, if you think it’s bad, if you think you’re not supposed to have it, every time you are around it you’re going to try to seek out more. You’re going to try to get more. And that’s where we see that really unbalanced eating. And it’s not that kids can’t be excited about it.

Of course, kids are going to be excited about their Halloween candy. My kids always want to go to 7 Eleven and get a Slurpee. Like, it’s okay. They can be excited about it. They can want to have it. I’m not at all suggesting that, but the inability to stop eating it, feeling compulsive around it, feeling obsessive around it, or preoccupied with it, that’s different, right?

Like, we can go to 7 Eleven and sometimes they finish a whole Slurpee and other times they’re like, I’m done, can I save this, can I freeze it, or dairy queen, or wherever we go. So there’s a difference between getting excited and then being able to self regulate or not around it, or being able to stop when they’ve had enough.

So the first thing is to make sure that they have access so that they do feel safe to stop when they’ve had enough versus feeling like they need to keep eating because it’s not going to be available soon. It has some structure around it. So making it available sometimes, but if your child does tend to gravitate towards sweets more easily than other foods, then you might not want to have it available all the time because then they’re not going to be likely to eat.

the vegetables or to try the meat or to try whatever else that they might want. So it’s partially knowing your child that, you know, if they really gravitate towards it, you might not want to serve it at the meal where you offer the most variety. You might want to offer sweets as a separate snack or put a piece in their lunchbox or whatever so that they are getting access, but that doesn’t interfere if they just tend to gravitate in that way.

So it’s creating that structure with it and then using the neutral language and making sure that they do have access and permission to it as well. 

Katy: Yeah, that’s awesome. I love that. Here’s a scenario that comes up a lot. In fact, this just came up. It was a discussion in my Facebook group recently. Someone who has a child and the child’s not necessarily in a larger body, I actually don’t know, but the child had gained quite a bit between well checks.

So in the past year, the pediatrician pulls the mom aside and expresses concern about the kiddos weight. And I don’t think they were recommending weight loss, but just kind of like, let’s have some healthier habits. But I’ve definitely had where, you know, physicians are recommending weight loss to kids or telling their parents, like, look, this is a really big issue.

We’re really worried about it. How do you guide parents through that? Because I think that that’s so challenging when you’ve got a doctor saying, hey, this is bad for your kid’s health. This is a problem. 

Nicole: Absolutely. And I think that’s often a big trigger for parents to go to the doctor and hear  something about the child’s weight for sure.

And also it goes the other way sometimes too, right? Like, oh gosh, they’re not gaining enough. Now the parent feels again responsible and like they need to force their kid and get them to eat enough. You know?

Katy: I didn’t feed my child enough or I didn’t make them eat enough as if we can make them do these things.

Nicole: Exactly. Exactly. So one thing that I think is really important is to recognize that growth with children is important to look at. We’re not saying dismiss it at all. If there is a really large jump or a really large drop with growth, we want to be mindful of like, why might that be happening? But not to see it as something that is inherently bad and something that we have to fix.

on the outside again with the weight itself, but to understand that it could be a symptom of something. So is there something going on? So if your child has a big jump in weight between well checks, have you noticed any behaviors with their food that seem concerning or different than what was going on before?

Have you noticed that they’re seeking any food? You know, or hiding it. You’re finding wrappers of sorts. Do they, do they act somewhat compulsive around food at home, like they can’t wait to get to the table? And then again, we have to diagnose when that might be happening and then put the things in place for that.

So it doesn’t mean something’s inherently wrong with your child either, that they’re like, oh gosh, they’re compulsive with food. But again, a symptom. Why might they be behaving with food that way? So you want to look at, are we noticing any behaviors around food that feel concerning? Do we notice any changes in their mood or mental health?

Could there be something going on at school and they’re seeking out comfort? Or, you know, have you had some really major challenges in the family? Is there any divorce or death or anything going on that might be disrupting them? Is there something medical going on? Could there be a hormonal imbalance?

Is there a thyroid issue here? We might want to take a look at that and see if there’s something happening. Is there not enough structure with food? Which typically I don’t think is just an automatic like, oh, they’re just going to gain weight. I’m not suggesting that at all, but Are they being given regular and filling meals or are they constantly seeking out their own snack foods or something like that?

So are we supporting them in some way so that they are getting a variety of nutrients and having access to different foods? There are restrictions around food and so they’re actually seeking out more food, right? Like all of those different things that could be at play. The first piece is just to recognize that inherently, this isn’t something that we’re going to try to fix with weight loss or to even just stop the weight gain.

We really want to use it to say, could there be anything else going on here that we want to take a deeper look at? That’s also something that I wish physicians would do more, which I recognize that they don’t have the time for, but we’re often just told, I was even told when my child’s weight went up a bit.

So you might want to make some changes. You didn’t even ask me a single thing about what my kid eats or how much they move or anything. You’re just saying you might want to make some changes, right? So, so there’s that piece, right? That we just want to, we want to be able to look at it a bit more critically than just with the weight.

the judgment that something’s wrong. I didn’t throw in there as something drastically changed with the movement that they’re getting or something. Could this also just be a normal phase of development where they grow a lot at once and before you know it, they’re going to shoot up in height and we don’t even know it.

Like there’s just so many things to consider here versus jumping in and feeling like it’s something that we need to fix. So I think that’s the first piece. And then it’s hard to give any more guidance because it really depends on once we assess all of those different things. It’s like it depends. Where we go next.

Katy: Yeah. So it really starts with that curiosity and just saying, okay, we’ve got some data here, but we can’t make sense of it until we step back and kind of assess the situation. Yeah. 

What about, okay, so if someone’s listening and they’re like, holy moly, I have been like doing this all wrong.

I’ve made so many mistakes. I’m, you know, I need to change how I’m approaching things. And I would say, first of all, it’s fine. Like nobody’s a perfect parent by any means. And this stuff with food is so hard. And most of the time these things can be improved, and I hate to use the word fixed, that’s not the word I want to use, but if someone’s just listening and they’re like, okay, I think I need to change my approach, what would you guide them to do, or what might be a helpful next step for them to take?

Nicole: I always say it’s never too late to shift the way that we’re doing it, even with older children, right? So it really depends too, you know, if you have teenagers and you’re noticing behaviors with them, maybe you want to get them some support. Maybe they want to see an intuitive eating dietician or therapist or somebody that can guide them with their own food behaviors or something.

If you have. Absolutely. A toddler, it’s a great time to change because they don’t really know much different. So that’s like an easier fix. And if you have a child somewhere in between, you might actually talk to them a little bit like, Oh, we’ve been learning some new things about food. And I’m learning that I don’t want to do it this way anymore.

And in our family, we’re going to shift to this way or whatever. So you might even tell your eight, nine or 10 year old, you know, we’re going to make some changes with how we were doing food. And so. Just want to put that out there, depending on the age of your child, this might even be a conversation that you have in your home.

Katy: And I love  that phrase, in our family, because sometimes it’s hard to help them understand, well like, different people are thinking about this differently, and like, that’s okay, they can do what feels right for their family. 

Nicole: Yeah, absolutely, and that’s what we’re always doing, you know, is just really assessing our needs, our children’s needs, and how we want to apply this information for our individual family.

So, it’s never too late, no matter the age of your child. I mean, I think going back to some of those basic things like neutral language is key. So starting to shift the way that we’re talking about food, stopping any sort of pressure, negotiations, bribes, micromanaging food of any kind, I always say like the dinner table, the breakfast table, it doesn’t matter what table it is.

It’s set it and forget it. Like once you decide what the food is and you’ve created that structure, your job is totally done. to tell them what they should eat, how much they should eat, that they need to take another bite, that they are not allowed to have more bread because they didn’t eat their chicken, whatever.

Your job is done. So like, it’s really just creating that environment at the table where you’re putting the food out and you’re letting them manage it. So if I could give like two keys to start, that’s it. It’s removing any sort of pressure control at the table itself and using neutral language. And then of course we can go from there.

And what I help families do is develop like, what is, I call it like your personal family feeding blueprint. Like what is your family feeding structure? How are we doing this in your home? Is it. Snacks are available all afternoon, and you’re fine with that, but an hour before dinner, you close it down. Is it that you have a sit down snack right when the kids get out of school?

And then maybe if they’re hungry two hours later, you put out something light right before dinner. Like we can figure out different ways to go about that. So then we want to start diving into more about that. Your structure, how you can be. I was told parents are like, Oh, it sounds like a lot of work. I’m like, well, it’s much easier to actually be proactive than reactive.

It’s so much easier. Once parents are being more proactive with the food and saying, Hey, here’s an afternoon snack, or this is how we’re going to do afternoon snack. This is how we’re going to do the meal. It always feels so much easier. So it’s learning how to do that. You find your new rhythm with it.

Katy: And everybody then starts to kind of know these are just the expectations and how we do it.  Yeah. I love that.  Okay. One more question, then we’ll do just like our wrap up rapid fire questions. I would just love any parting words of wisdom, like just what would you want to leave people with? 

Nicole: Yes. So, I think one thing is it’s never too late to make changes.

I think that’s so important. You haven’t screwed up your child if you’ve been doing it a different way, because, um, Everybody has their own relationship with food and what affects one child in one way might affect another child in a different way and that’s okay. Like, you don’t, you’re doing the best that you can with the information that you have. 

in the moment.  I also want you to know, again, that you get to be a parent with food. Like, it is okay to have some structure and guidelines. We just want to do it in a way that’s supportive and not controlling at the end of the day.  

Katy: That’s such a great distinction, supportive and not controlling.  Amazing. 

Okay. Let’s do our rapid fire questions. I love to ask all my guests. Okay. So currently, what is your favorite snack?  

Nicole: Oh, gosh. I don’t know if you, like, told me about this, if you sent me these questions. I wasn’t even thinking about it. Currently, what is my favorite snack? So let me think. Okay, I’m going to tell you something really funny first.

I have a friend, and she always asks me my favorites, and I’m like, I hate favorites. Don’t make me choose anything because I like so many different things that it depends on the moment. So we’re always joking about it. I’m with you on that. You know, we always joke about that sort of thing, you know? Oh, gosh.

I’m always, okay, I go back to like, I love peanut butter and banana. So that’s like a go to for me. And I would say I’m, I’m enjoying that again right now. Yeah. 

Katy: I have that a lot for breakfast, like peanut butter and banana on toast. And if I don’t have that as my breakfast, I might eat peanut butter and banana as a snack later.

It’s like, I do that combo almost every day.  Yes, me too. I totally do. So like, yeah, that’s kind of the phase I’m in right now. Yeah. That was satisfying. Yeah. Are you more of a winter person or a summer person? Summer.  

Nicole: And you live out in California, is that right? I do. I’m in Southern California and we’re still having summer right now in the fall. It’s like 80 degrees and hot, but I really do like the cold, but I hate being cold. So if I can’t bundle up and be warm enough, I’m no good, but the heat I can handle. Yeah. Yeah. I totally get that. What about cats or dogs? I love them both. Currently, we have two cats, so I’m like a cat family at the moment, but I, we’ve had dogs 

Katy:  I love dogs too. Yeah. Pets are great. What about TV? Do you have a show you’ve been watching lately? What are you into?

Nicole: My friends make fun of me because they’re like, wait, really? Because my husband and I, this is like longstanding though, it’s not really like a TV show we’re into right now. We record Jeopardy and we watch it every night and like to challenge each other. 

Katy: This is why I love these questions is like you just learn these really random things about people. It’s like a glimpse into people. I  love that. Yes. Okay, last one. What about self care? What, what’s a type of self care that you enjoy or what’s something that’s kind of your go to?  

Nicole: I mean, the biggest and most standard thing for me. I typically always have time for myself in the morning. I would say for the most part, I can’t say every single day and it usually involves some form of movement. So I love to go outside for a walk in the morning. So nice. Sometimes it’s just like stretching or doing a yoga video. I like to go out on my patio.

Actually, I did that this morning and just stretched. So usually I take time for myself, but. I find going on a walk or doing some stretching or some sort of yoga video or something is like my best way to kind of like, I feel like it just moves energy in our bodies too. Like it’s so, but I feel like I get creative ideas when I’m on a walk, I like releasing things. 

Katy: I do too. I get some of my best ideas when I’m out for a walk or, you know, there is something about just the blood flow. I don’t know if it’s like the brain’s getting more of that.  Okay, where can people find you? Like if someone wants to check out your social media or if they would like to connect with you or even schedule an appointment or look at your programs, where do they go?

Nicole: So one of the best places you can find me is on Instagram. I’m very active there at NicoleCruzRD.  So that’s a great place to find me. And then my website is  NicoleCruzRD. com. And you can go there and you can find free resources like my five keys to raise an intuitive eater, which talks about a lot of the principles that we talked about today.

So you get a free guide there. Yeah. And I’m happy to chat with anyone. Amazing. 

Katy: And I, I can vouch for your Instagram. It’s so good. I love your social media content. So I feel like everybody should be following you for sure. And if they want that extra support, then yeah, I mean, definitely maybe do a call and you could kind of help them see, okay, this would be the best fit for them as far as the program goes.

Nicole: Absolutely. Get me a free guide, read about that. Follow me on Instagram. And if you are looking for more support, I offer what I call a free eating alignment call. Yes. Amazing. 

Katy: Go, go check Nicole out and she’ll take care of you from there. All right. Thanks so much for being here, Nicole. This was amazing. 

Nicole: Oh, thank you so much for having me, it’s super fun. 

Katy: That was such a fun conversation, and Nicole is one of my favorite people that I have ever met and connected with online. I just admire her and her work so much, and if you’re not already following her on Instagram, you need to be. She’s at NicoleCruzRD, which I have linked in the show notes, along with her website and a free guide that she has called Five Keys to Raise an Intuitive Eater.

So go check out all of that and give Nicole some love. And do me a favor, if you know someone who could use this episode, share it with them. Maybe you have a friend who’s in the trenches of parenthood, or you want your mom to hear it as your kid’s grandma, or you want your partner to listen to it and help you guys get on the same page.

Heck, you could even send it to your kid’s teacher or coach if you have a good relationship with them. The more that we can spread this message, the more we can break the cycle of dieting and body hatred for the next generation, and that is a beautiful thing. In case nobody has told you today, you are worthy just as you are.

We’ll talk again soon. 

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