Hey there, Katy here, and welcome to another episode of Rebuilding Trust With Your Body. This episode is such a fun discussion with a woman named Rae Thomas, who you are going to absolutely love. Rae is a therapist, and we’re talking about all things food, feelings, emotions, intuitive eating, urges to restrict or go on a diet, urges to eat emotionally, or to binge. We’re digging into the multitude of ways that our emotions not only impact the way that we eat, but also how our emotions show up in our bodies.

Rae is the Chief Clinical Officer of Feelings Found, a women-owned company creating tangible tools for emotional exploration. She uses academic research and her experience as a therapist to create tools for naming emotions, figuring out your values, and generally supporting mental health. Rae has been working with body image and eating disorders for over 10 years. Outside of work, she enjoys long hikes in the mountains and tending to her many houseplants. I admire her for that because I like the idea of houseplants, but I have a very hard time keeping them alive. I can’t wait for you to hear my discussion with Rae. She is absolutely delightful. So, without further ado, let’s dig right in.

Katy: Rae, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for being here. I can’t wait to get into this conversation.

Rae: I am so excited. Thank you so much for having me. I’m super stoked to talk today.

Katy: Yeah, let’s give people just a little bit more context and background. Tell us more about who you are and what you do. Give us a feel for where you’re coming from.

Rae: Absolutely. So I’m Rae. Hi, everyone! I’m a licensed therapist. I’m in Colorado, and I’ve been working in body image, eating disorders, and weight stigma space for… I counted not long ago, and now I’m forgetting, but I think it’s about 10 years now. And as well, I am the Chief Clinical Officer for a company called FeelingsFound. This is really where my big, big passion right now comes in—trying to normalize talking about feelings, spreading awareness about why feelings and emotional labeling are so important, and how much emotions play a part in our lives. So yeah, that’s me.

Katy: That’s a beautiful thing.

Rae: Thank you.

Katy: Give me the backstory on FeelingsFound. What’s the scoop there?

Rae: Absolutely. So we started because we needed something, right? Like, we know that feelings are so, so important, and each of us has been in therapy or in the mental health world, but there really aren’t many tangible tools to help explore emotions. There’s really a lack of things. So it actually all started with this feelings wheel—a big ol’ list of feelings. It’s a lot. It’s very overwhelming to look at.

Katy: Incredibly overwhelming.

Rae: Exactly! So the original idea was just to take that and turn it into a tangible tool. And from there, we built a whole slew of other tools. We also have a body sensations wheel, which is really about connecting body sensations to emotions and vice versa. We know that we feel things through our bodies so much. One of my personal favorites (I’m biased, of course) is the needs wheel. It’s all about trying to answer the question: “What do you need?” Because how often do we get asked that and not know how to respond?

Katy: Oh, I love that.

Rae: Right? It’s so helpful. We’re also working on some other cool new tools right now, like a tool for postpartum depression and a kids’ wheel to teach emotional exploration for younger ages.

Katy: That’s amazing. I love everything you’re saying because this is often the conversation I have with clients or people in my community, where I’ll ask them, “What were you feeling or needing outside of food when you binged or overeated?” And they’ll say, “I don’t know. I was fine,” or “I don’t know what I was needing. I didn’t feel anything. It was just a habit.” And I think a lot of it comes down to not having the language for what we’re feeling or that nobody ever taught us what certain sensations mean.

Rae: No, exactly. It’s a newer concept, and it’s interesting. There’s a term called interoceptive awareness. Basically, it’s the ability to tune into your internal body sensations and understand what they mean. That applies not only to hunger and fullness cues but also to emotions. Like, “Oh, my chest is feeling tight, I think that’s anxiety.” Interoceptive awareness has been mostly discussed in relation to individuals on the autism spectrum, because understanding their bodily cues can be difficult for them, but it’s also important for everyone. It’s about teaching people how to identify what’s happening inside their bodies and what it means.

Katy: That’s fascinating. It makes so much sense that emotional exploration starts in childhood but can get buried.

Rae: Absolutely! And this idea of being more directive, of teaching people how to actually explore their feelings, is critical. Often, kids grow up not learning how to name emotions or even recognize physical sensations in their bodies. They end up, as adults, not knowing how to interpret those feelings, which can lead to coping mechanisms like overeating, restricting, or dieting.

Katy: Yes, and all those habits—whether it’s overeating or restricting—become our way of managing emotions. I always say that food isn’t the problem—it’s the emotions tied to the food that make things complicated.

Rae: Exactly. Food, in and of itself, isn’t inherently problematic. But when emotions are tied to food, that’s where things get messy. If you took all the emotions out of the equation, food wouldn’t be nearly as big of a struggle.

Katy: Right! Like, when we’re kids, we don’t have all these judgments or preconceived notions about food. Kids can take a bite of a cookie and just walk away.

Rae: Exactly! They’ll eat when they’re hungry and stop when they’re full. They don’t have this emotional baggage around it. But as we grow up, we start attaching all these emotions to food, and that’s where it gets complicated.

Katy: Okay, let’s talk about the feelings wheel you mentioned earlier. I was looking at it on your website. Can you describe it for listeners and explain how someone would use it?

Rae: Sure! The feelings wheel is shaped like an upside-down teardrop with six main categories of emotion. These are the big, broad categories: happy, uneasy, stress, sad, anger, and anxious. From there, each petal has a more specific emotion under it, and then there’s another layer with even more specific variations.

Katy: So you start with a broad emotion and get more specific?

Rae: Exactly. For example, under the category “uneasy,” you might get more specific emotions like suspicious or doubtful. The more specific you can get, the easier it is to talk about it and understand what’s going on inside.

Katy: Can you give us an example?

Rae: Sure! Let’s take “uneasy.” Under that, you might see words like suspicious or skeptical. If someone says they’re feeling uneasy, that’s broad. But if they say they’re feeling skeptical, that gives us a lot more insight into what’s really going on.

Katy: So if someone’s feeling uneasy, but we can get more specific and say, “Oh, you’re feeling skeptical,” that helps clarify what’s happening.

Rae: Yes! And this is especially helpful when we’re looking at food and emotions. For example, if you’re sitting down to eat and you’re feeling anxious, you can use the wheel to break it down further. Are you feeling worried, unsafe, nervous? That specificity can help you understand your emotions and decide how to move forward.

Katy: That’s so helpful. Let’s say someone is in the evening, not hungry, but they just want to eat. They’re not sure what they’re feeling or needing outside of food. How might we use the feelings wheel to get to the bottom of that?

Rae: Great question. Let’s go with sadness. Under “sad,” you might find emotions like lonely, disappointed, or resigned. When I work with clients, loneliness often comes up in this situation. They might be feeling isolated, like they don’t have connection with others at that moment. When they identify that feeling, they can then explore how to address that emotion, whether through self-care, reaching out to someone, or just sitting with it.

Katy: Yeah, I can see how it would help. In our early years, we start learning how to handle our emotions, even before we have the memory of doing so. The environment we grow up in can shape how we react to emotions throughout our lives. It’s wild to think about how experiences from before we even had the ability to remember them can impact us today. And yet, there’s so much research showing how deeply this affects us.

Rae: When we talk about how our daily lives and the people around us influence how we deal with emotions, there’s a lot to unpack. Let’s use anxiety as an example. I think many of us can relate to being stressed and how that stress impacts how we interact with others. When we’re really stressed, our tolerance for the quirks and behaviors of the people around us tends to drop. Take me and my partner, for example: he has ADHD, and we navigate it really well. But he has this habit of leaving unfinished projects around the house—like half-done dishes or things that are just kind of left hanging. When I’ve taken the time to regulate myself, to deal with my emotions and stress levels, I can look at those half-done dishes and think, “Cool, whatever.” But when I’m stressed, when I haven’t done the work to manage my anxiety? Suddenly, those dishes become a huge issue, and before I know it, we’re fighting.

That cycle—stress leading to frustration, which leads to more stress and conflict—never helps. One thing I’ve started doing is simply naming what I’m feeling. If I can say, “I’m having an anxious day today, so my tolerance is a little lower,” it helps everyone around me understand where I’m coming from. And it gives me the opportunity to take responsibility for how my internal state affects those around me. It’s not about making excuses or blaming anyone else for how I feel, but acknowledging that when I’m anxious, I need a little extra grace and patience.

Katy: I think some people might hear this and think, “Well, are you just making excuses for bad behavior? Are you letting yourself off the hook by labeling your feelings?” I get that perspective, I really do. It’s something I’ve thought about a lot, too. But the point here isn’t to use anxiety or stress as a way to avoid accountability. It’s about recognizing what’s happening internally so that we can address it and also communicate with others about it.

It’s not about saying, “Hey, I’m anxious, so everyone else needs to tiptoe around me.” That’s not fair. It’s about working together as a team, acknowledging that there are going to be days where we’re struggling a little more, and giving each other some space to cope. For me, that might mean journaling, meditating, or taking a walk. Maybe I’ll opt for tea instead of coffee, since too much caffeine only worsens my anxiety. It’s about both naming what I’m feeling and doing the work to manage it.

Rae: This kind of approach reminds me of something Brene Brown talks about. She and her husband sometimes use the language of “I’m at a 30 today.” It’s not about saying “This is a 50/50 partnership,” but about acknowledging that there are days when we just don’t have the capacity to give as much. Some days, we might only be able to show up at a 30. And that’s okay, as long as we’re able to recognize it and communicate it.

I’ve had that same conversation with my partner. There was a period in my life when I was working a job that was emotionally draining, and I realized I was always functioning at a 30. I couldn’t keep pulling more of the weight, so something needed to change. Being able to name those moments gives us the ability to recognize what we need and make adjustments, whether it’s asking for more support or making changes in our environment.

Katy: It also brings attention to the emotional needs we have. If I’m always functioning at a 30, I have to ask myself: What is that telling me about my needs? Is it time for a break? Is my environment or workload too much? It’s all connected.

Being able to talk about our emotions is crucial for relationships, too. Often, when we don’t name our emotions, we’re left fighting about the symptoms. For example, a relationship might start to unravel when emotions are left unspoken, and the conflict gets lost in blame and frustration. But if we could step back and say, “Hey, there’s more going on for me than just this issue,” relationships would have a better chance of moving through those tough moments.

Rae: When we avoid our emotions, they tend to come out sideways in unhealthy ways. It could be through overindulgence in food, drinking too much, scrolling endlessly on our phones, or other forms of avoidance. These behaviors act as escapes from the emotions we’re not addressing directly. And the truth is, not naming our feelings isn’t just harmful to us—it can negatively impact the people around us as well.

If someone starts drinking more or engaging in other harmful behaviors, it’s pretty rare that it only affects them. More often than not, it impacts their relationships and the people they care about. That’s why it’s so important to recognize our emotions and take the steps necessary to address them.

Katy: Let’s look at another example that’s a little more nuanced: How does the way other people relate to food affect us? This is a situation I see a lot with clients who are recovering from disordered eating. Let’s say someone is trying to ditch dieting and make peace with food, maybe after recovering from an eating disorder, and then their partner decides to go on a diet. It’s a tricky dynamic to navigate because food is often emotional, and diets tend to bring up a lot of emotional responses.

In this case, one person is working on healing their relationship with food, while the other person is introducing tension and stress around it by dieting. It’s not just about the food, but about the emotional undercurrents. The person trying to heal might feel frustrated, upset, or even triggered by the other person’s decision to diet, which can feel like an intrusion on their own emotional journey with food. There’s a clash of emotional experiences—one person is hoping to find peace, and the other is diving deeper into a restrictive, tension-filled approach to food.

It’s important to remember that the person dieting has their own emotional journey with food. They might be feeling motivated, hopeful, or even empowered by their diet, but for someone who is trying to make peace with food, that energy can feel conflicting and even threatening. It’s about recognizing that each person’s journey is personal, and if we can name those emotions, we might feel less frustrated with others and more understanding of where they’re coming from.

Rae: And then, there’s the question of how family or caregivers impact our emotional relationship with food. From a young age, what we hear about food and body image can have a lasting effect. I’ve worked with clients who still, decades later, struggle with the words their parents said about food—comments about eating too much candy, or weight-related shaming. These kinds of messages create fear and anxiety around food that can persist into adulthood.

Even when we logically know that candy or certain foods aren’t inherently bad, the emotional connection we have with them—formed through messages from our caregivers—can still cause fear. That’s why simply “thinking our way out of it” doesn’t work. It’s not about logic; it’s about emotions. Those emotions need to be named and processed, and that’s not always an easy or quick process. But until we address those feelings, they will continue to impact us in ways that feel out of our control.

Katy: Finally, let’s consider how food dynamics can affect relationships when one person is more adventurous with food than the other. Imagine someone who’s in recovery from an eating disorder and loves trying new foods—baking, experimenting with recipes, and exploring different restaurants. But then, they start dating someone who’s very picky, sticks to the same meals, and isn’t interested in trying new foods. For the person in recovery, food exploration might have been an essential part of their journey to healing. The partner’s resistance to trying new things might feel like a threat to that healing, even though it’s not meant to be.

It’s tricky because food isn’t just food in these situations—it’s tied to identity, emotion, and personal growth. The person in recovery might feel rejected or unsupported, and the partner might not even realize that their food preferences are triggering emotional responses. It’s important for both people to communicate openly about their experiences with food and how it affects them emotionally, so they can navigate those moments together.

Rae: As we work to heal our relationships with food and ourselves, it’s clear that emotions play a huge role. Naming and understanding our emotions is essential to living more authentically, improving our relationships, and ultimately feeling more at peace with food and our bodies.

Katy: That’s a wrap for today’s episode! In case no one has told you today—you are worthy, just as you are. Take care, and we’ll talk again soon!

Exclusive Holiday Deals & 15% Discount!

We’ve got some exciting, limited-time products coming your way, so be sure to check them out! Plus, we’re offering 15% off your order with the discount code REBUILDING15 (all uppercase) at checkout.

Head to the Feelings Found website to explore their exclusive deals and grab these awesome tools. We’ll link to everything in the show notes, so you can easily find what you need and start using these amazing resources.

A special shout-out to Rae for sharing these wonderful products with us. If you’ve got any questions or just want to chat, feel free to reach out through their website—they’re always happy to help.

Must-Have Tools: Feelings Wheel & Intuitive Eating Guide

If you’re looking for some practical tools to help you check in with your emotions or your hunger cues, Rae from Feelings Found has you covered. They’ve kindly sent over their Feelings Found Wheel and Intuitive Eating Hunger and Fullness Guide, and trust me—they’re game-changers.

These pocket-sized, laminated guides are perfect for daily use. You can keep them handy to reference whenever you need to pause and check in with yourself. I cannot recommend these enough—they make great stocking stuffers for yourself or anyone you know who’s on a healing journey.

So, head over to the Feelings Found website today and snag a few of these incredible resources for yourself and your loved ones before the holiday deals are gone!

Resources & Special Offers

Limited-Time Holiday Deals at Feelings Found
Feelings Found has some fantastic exclusive products that you won’t want to miss! They’re offering 15% off your order with the discount code REBUILDING15 (all uppercase) at checkout. These deals are perfect for gifting or treating yourself.

Must-Have Emotional Wellness Tools
Rae from Feelings Found was kind enough to share two incredibly helpful tools:

• The Feelings Found Wheel: A pocket-sized, laminated reference guide to help you identify and process your emotions.
• The Intuitive Eating Hunger & Fullness Guide: A simple, easy-to-use tool for checking in with your hunger cues and helping you reconnect with your body’s needs.

Both of these tools are perfect stocking stuffers for anyone on a personal growth or healing journey—whether it’s for yourself or a loved one.

Contact Rae & Feelings Found
Have questions or want to chat more about how these tools can support you? Rae and the Feelings Found team are always available for email support. Head to their website and reach out—they love connecting with people and are happy to help guide you on your journey.

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