"Courage transforms the emotional structure of our being.  This change often brings a deep sense of loss.  During the process of rising, we sometimes find ourselves homesick for a place that no longer exicts…We know when we're showing up and when we're hiding out, when we are living our values and when we're not."  — Brene Brown, Rising Strong

To me this speaks true of recovery.  No doubt it takes courage.  Most of the time when we talk about courage it's in a celebratory way.  You might imagine a soldier or athlete putting it all on the line with the message is that courage feels good in the end.  But Brene Brown is right.  Sometimes in recovery the change brought about by courage leaves us in a new, unfamiliar place.  A place that is scary and uncomfortable.  And sometimes there's comfort in the familiarity of the eating disorder, even amid the pain.  At least it's predictable.  It takes a lot of courage to let go of the eating disorder and live according to your values.