If the thought of not dieting triggers weight gain fears, like, “I need to diet. I can’t afford to gain weight. I’ll just feel worse about my body, my health will decline, and I’ll be physically uncomfortable,” you’re not alone. Many people experience these anxieties, feeling as though if they embrace intuitive eating, all of their worst fears will be realized.
But the fear of weight gain isn’t really about weight. Let’s all take a collective breath there because that’s a big one. That doesn’t mean your weight gain fears aren’t valid. But it may mean that there are deeper undercurrents at the root of your weight gain fears that keep you from making peace with food and accepting your body.
Let’s dive into the four most common fears behind weight gain fears, what they mean, and how you can move through those fears so you can finally make peace with your food and body, and start fully living your life.
Why Your Weight Gain Fears Are Rooted in Something Deeper
The reaction of “Of course my weight gain fears are about gaining weight!” is a completely normal one. But once the layers are peeled back, it’s much more complicated. Often, these fears are rooted in actual fears about health, ability to be physically comfortable in your life and in the world, and other people’s judgments. Fears of “Do people think I’m lazy?” or “Do they think I don’t care about my health?” start to play on repeat, lowering self-worth and increasing the desire to diet.
These fears are why you worry about your weight. They’re rooted in what the number on the scale represents to you. For many, the number on the scale is connected to self-esteem and confidence. So while you might intellectually know that diets don’t work and be on board with the idea of intuitive eating, you might be emotionally resistant to it deep down because these weight gain fears are so strong.
The 4 Biggest Weight Gain Fears
There are four subconscious fears that tend to drive your reluctance to let go of dieting and lean fully into trusting your body and intuitive eating. Let’s dig deeper.
Fear of Social and Relational Consequences
A lot of times we worry that if we gain weight, it’ll change the social dynamics. The trouble is, research shows that the weight stigma and anti-fat bias in our society does result in people being treated differently because of their body shape.
Weight gain changes not only how people really treat you, but how you perceive people’s actions. When we see the world with this increased perception, it magnifies every glance and word others say. You hold yourself back from doing things you love or dream about, adding them to the for-when-I’m-thinner list. You carry yourself differently because you feel ashamed of your body and worried about what other people may think.
This deeper fear also impacts our social interactions in a few different ways. Sometimes it means not trying things with your friends because you’re worried they’ll judge your body. Or maybe your identity is built around being ‘the fit one’ or ‘the one who always gets the salad’, it’s scary to let go of that persona. Or maybe you’ve built relationships over dieting and body shaming. If you’ve bonded with your mom, coworker, or friends over the latest fad diet and body shaming, worrying about what you’ll talk about if you let go of dieting is totally normal.
Here’s the thing: People in your life are drawn to you for more than the diet layers that are sitting on top of your true self. Your authentic self is beautiful and deserves a chance to shine.
Fear of Losing a Sense of Control
We’ve been taught to believe that weight loss is a win while weight gain equals a failure. That thinness means you’re disciplined and worthy. Even though we logically know that’s not true, the feeling of guilt and shame persist. But on a diet, it feels like you’re doing something about these feelings, that you have control over them. But without a diet, it feels like you lose all control. You don’t know what your weight will do.
But underneath it all, this isn’t just about food—it’s about control over uncertainty, aging, and, perhaps most of all, change. Trusting your body and healing your relationship with food requires to let go of diets’ illusions of strict control, take a leap of faith, and be vulnerable.
Fear of What It Means for Our Health
Diet culture says that if you stop dieting and start eating intuitively, you won’t be healthy. You’ll put on a bunch of weight, damage your body, and everything will be a disaster. There’s a lot to consider when it comes to health. But intuitive eating is an evidence-based framework that can support your health in your phase of life. On the other hand, research shows that dieting clearly shows that it is damaging to your health, metabolism, mental health, and self-esteem. In short, it’s not good for you.
The trap is that your weight-neutral health markers, like your A1C, your blood pressure might look better in the initial stages of a diet, but when the weight is regained, all that “progress” is lost. This reinforces the narrative that you’re “healthier” when your weight is lower and “unhealthy” when your weight is higher.
In the grand scheme of things, diets are more harmful to your health, slowing your metabolism and correlates with heart disease and early death. There are many ways to honor your health without diets. Your weight is not a health indicator. Your health is the whole picture: your eating behaviors, sleep, stress, and yes, blood pressure. Instead of focusing on losing weight, focus on sustainable health behaviors, starting with nourishing your body well.
Fear of Losing a ‘Goal’ or Sense of Purpose
If weight loss has always been the project, what happens when that project is gone? If you’ve always been working towards losing weight, suddenly shifting gears is hard. Diets often feel like a self-improvement project and without that goal, it can feel like people think you’re giving up.
If this hits home, you’re not alone. This is a common struggle. Instead, let healing your relationship with food and your body become your new self-improvement project. Explore new hobbies. Try new things you’ve always wanted to do. Let that space dieting took up be filled with something that brings you joy.
There may be some hidden grief in giving up weight loss as a sense of purpose. That doesn’t mean you won’t lose weight when your body is ready. But if you’ve spent time, energy, and money on losing weight and doing the workouts, there may be grief for those losses. It’s okay to mourn those and the fantasy of what weight loss may do for you. We’re sold on the fantasy that our lives will be better when we lose weight, but here’s the truth: life is still going to happen. It doesn’t have to be contingent on a number on the scale.
Mindset Shifts to Move Through These Fears
Exploring the deeper fears behind weight gain is the first step. The next is allowing yourself to break free of them and embrace intuitive eating. This is less about trying to erase the fear and more about learning to trust yourself so you can truly live your life.
Actionable Strategies to Quiet Weight Gain Fears & Allow Yourself to Love Your Body
- Challenge Your Core Beliefs: Start by identifying the beliefs that you need to be on a diet. These are a result of diet culture, not your own choice.
Strategy: Ask “Where did I first learn that my weight determines my worth? What messages have I absorbed about what happens when people gain weight?” Journal your answers without judgment.
- Expose The Contradiction: Our society’s fat phobia and appearance standards are based on an extremely narrow definition of beauty. This is the core of the flawed narrative that if we can just diet down, we’ll be healthier, even though research shows that isn’t true.
Strategy: If weight loss was actually the answer, why didn’t you feel happy when you were thinner? If dieting and weight obsession was actually making you healthier, why wasn’t it sustainable? Why did it make you (and the vast majority of people on diets) anxious or obsessive? Journal on the contradiction.
- Redefine Health on Your Terms: Health is not an all-or-nothing approach. It’s not about perfect eating or a perfect body. It’s about focusing on autonomous health behaviors that aren’t tied to a number on a scale, like joyful movement, stress management, balanced nutrition, and mental well-being.
Strategy: Imagine your 80-year-old self. What would she tell you about how you’re living right now?
- Get Comfortable With Discomfort: Fear won’t disappear overnight. Your job here isn’t to completely eliminate the fear, but to stop letting it drive your choices.
Strategy: When you start worrying about your weight, pause and ask yourself what you’re really worried about. This helps uncover the underlying things so you can directly address them. Start buying clothes that fit your body now, follow body-diverse social media accounts, and find movement that you look forward to.
A Real-Life Journey from Weight Gain Fears to Love
A client recently shared that she felt like she couldn’t start dating until she lost weight. She wanted a partner, to start a family, but for years, she told herself that she couldn’t start dating until she lost weight. Through our work together, she realized she wanted to put herself out there, just to see what happens. She ended up meeting and marrying her husband.
The story she had told herself—that she could only find love in a smaller body—was not true. She could and did find love in the body she was in. It was when she started to live her life fully and be accepted in her body as she was that she found someone who accepted her without it being contingent on her being in a smaller body. Because she challenged this narrative, she was able to accept her body.
What if you started doing those things you’ve been saving until you lost weight? It might be uncomfortable at first, but…what if it worked out? What if it went better than you imagined and you realized you didn’t need to hold yourself back? It opens up the possibility for life to be so much more fulfilling than waiting for a badge of worthiness.
First Steps to Heal Your Relationship With Food
If you are listening to this and thinking that you want to make peace with your body with food, but this feels like a daunting task, or you need some actual structure, guidance, and strategies to help you DO IT, check out Non-Diet Academy.
This is my signature program where I will hold your hand and walk with you for 10 weeks together as we talk through what this looks like for the nuances of your situation and your everyday life. Because we have that much time together, I can get to know you and where you’re coming from, and I can go deep to guide you. DM me if you want to chat about whether it’s right for you.
Because here’s the truth: You are already enough, exactly as you are.
Reserve your spot here: nondietacademy.com/fix
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